4. For question #2, what did you do differently from the original post? Please outline, explain and justify what you changed & why. Essentially, what did you learn from this new topic and what did you change and why. (8 Marks)
The first change I made was to add images to the article, one of the venues and another featuring a signature cocktail. This not only makes the article more appealing but also helps break up the text.
I next went and changed various text that I found could benefit from being clearer. To do this I first boiled down what the key info points of each section were and edited the copy to inform that information as clearly and concisely as possible.
| Our talented chefs and mixologists have been working in the lab to craft a menu like Windsor has never seen. |
| Changed to |
| Our talented chefs and mixologists have created a food and cocktail menu unlike any other. |
This sentence was not only too long but was also not efficient at getting the point across, the revised version gets the key points across more concisely
| A dining experience to share. All our dishes are crafted with sharing in mind, whether it is sharing a succulent plate of oysters with your significant other or grazing on charcutier during a girl’s night out. Our dish’s blend it is French inspiration with our chef’s personal flourish. |
| Changed to: |
| A dining experience to share. All our dishes are French inspired dishes are made to share. We are debuting are meticulously refined tapas menu, here is just a teaser of what offer: Gratineed Scallops Fresh oysters Olive tapenade Baked Brie Confit Ratatouille Canapes |
This section I completely rewrote, firstly I changed the first sentence (after the header) so that it got the two most important pieces of information across: The cuisine is French inspired, and it is a sharing tapas style menu. I then wrote a short bullet list of menu items that should give an outline of the type of dishes served at the restaurant. This makes it as easy as possible for the reader to find out the relevant info about what the business serves.
| The art of the cocktail. Handcrafted cocktails for the inspired minds of our house mixologist. Walkerville Retreat is a cocktail lab, and we would love for you to try our experiments. With new cocktail specials every week or our seasonally changing signature menu we cannot wait to give you a handcrafted experience. Or are you someone with classic taste? Our experienced mixologist is happy to make any classic cocktail upon request. |
| Changed to: |
| The art of the cocktail. Featuring a handcrafted cocktail menu and weekly specials by our talented mixologist. Our first featured cocktail is the Brass Emerald: Bulleit bourbon, muddled pear, allspice maple syrup, lemon. |
This section was also mostly rewritten as it was slightly bloated. The new version informs the reader of the cocktail menu and that we feature weekly cocktail specials, I then introduce one of these signature cocktails including an image. This rewrite got rid of a lot of useless text that muddied the core message
| Join us for our debate opening night! On March 25th at 5:00pm we will be open for business, and we cannot wait to serve you. All of us here at Walkerville Retreat have poured every bit of love and care into this business and we cannot wait to show Windsor who we are. We have a limited number of seats so book your reservation at www.walkervilleretreat.com to secure your spot! |
| Changed to: |
| Join us for our debate opening night! On March 25th at 5:00pm we will be open for business, and we cannot wait to serve you. We are located at 11879 Cobblestone Cresent All of us here at Walkerville Retreat have poured every bit of love and care into this business and we cannot wait to show Windsor who we are. We have a limited number of seats so book your reservation at www.walkervilleretreat.com to secure your spot! |
This section I added the address of the restaurant as this is a key piece of information the reader will want to know. It is common for websites to include addresses and contact information at the bottom of the page making it likely a reader in search of the exact address would scroll to the bottom.
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